NASHER JAMES

I've been thinking about this post for days... what could I say about this last week? I am still a little lack for words... I am amazed... I am blessed... I'm still laughing at how his birth unfolded... I have loved seeing the love of my life with his 4 sons~ pure sweetness... Nasher is just how I thought he would be... calm, sweet, easy~ like he was in the womb~ it was just my body that made it tough... he is amazingly beautiful with the longest eyelashes I have ever seen... his skin & hair are lighter than all the other boys, his fingers and toes are also so long, his cry so innocent it's almost calming. He loved hearing Daddy playing his guitar to him the other night and well, I think I am in a little piece of nirvana... more pics to come... there are 400 in my camera right now & taking more every day!

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Five Good Things

1. my amazing hubby who cooked, cleaned, took care of me and played baseball every day with the boys this week~ so grateful we had him for a week~ he's delicious
2. 3 little big brothers with adoring looks on their faces
3. the moment... oh to cherish each one and not be in a hurry
4. warm showers... need I say more?
5. a house full of little feet and little laughs

ciao~alicia

AFTER MIDNIGHT

so... i am 39 weeks preggos and up most nights... not that far from the ordinary for this mama but it's different when you are uncomfy and waiting for those contractions to send you into the hospital... so... i think i'll look as good as i can when i get there... my toes are painted thanks to my sister~ i can't reach them... now the nails~ done!

i'm trying to enjoy feeling him move in these last days~ this is the last pregnancy

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i should pack the diaper bag but all the little stuff is too presh to look at & there is a part of me that is sad this is the last ritual to be done for the last baby...

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the last baby?...

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i can't imagine having any more... i don't think my body would condone another round & i feel like 4 is a good number... but everything feels so last...

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like when you finish a good book and close it ~ your life perspective changed forever... sad that it's over but love the ending...

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baby nasher... the last one... time for a new novel...

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Five Good Things

1. little newborn onesies... 5 to 8 lbs... presh
2. big brothers
3. His divine plan for this new life
4. bland food... soon no more heartburn!
5. pretty polish

ciao~alicia

LITTLE HANDS... BIG STUFF

the sweetness of the moment... the privilege of watching them learn... these busy little cooper hands have been trying to master cutting... his determination has been ~ well, for lack of a better word... inspiring... to practice is to grow...

i never want to forget this day...

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Five Good Things

1. that big box of crayons... loved putting them in their stockings and loved that i'm not so old that they had those when i was a kid... after all it was just a couple of weeks ago that christopher asked me if we still had donuts when i was a kid~ i am still smiling about that one!
2. awanas~ they come home so excited... i never tire of hearing all about it and seeing their little hearts grow
3. expanding... camera course in the near future? hopefully!!! or maybe just a lot of studying on line!
4. weekly donut dates with nate while the other boys are in school... to watch nate enjoy a donut will make you want 10!
5. my messy desk... lots of stuff going on with these little guys! neat can be over rated!!

ciao~alicia

ME BACK ON THE LIST!

Sometimes I have a season where I forget to put ME on the list~ ever done that? So, I've been spending time picking back up things I love... photography, writing, blogging, now cooking~ shocking I know!... crocheting, and making this place a home~ a continual challenge for me on a budget, in a small house and with little boys that love to play ball in the house! But kid house no more!~ I'm taking back what should be... a home... the kind with lamps and pretty things around... the kind I was good at before kids. You see, when I had Christopher I was 30~ I was a little shocked as soon as he got into the highchair and insisted on throwing everything in the trash can. I convinced myself that everything and anything was going to get ruined by this little alien I knew nothing about. I was soooo wrong~ what ended up happening was I deprived myself of making a home... So... back to home making 101!~

Home school is full swing over here and so fun~ more about that another day~but here are some things I missed sharing with you!

Summer was full.... of things like...

sculptures... peaceful...

mini vacation... refreshing... reflecting... watching their wonder grow... and just plain time giggling!

I have missed this blog SO much!~ I LOVE taking pics of my boys and I love sharing our lives with you!

This summer was sooo full!~ The biggest news was finding out we are having a

baby boy!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Needless to say I was a bit intimidated by having 4 kiddos... this one was a little present! But, I cannot imagine our family without one of these little guys and I'm sure we will not know what to do without him~ Can't wait to meet him... yes, he is still nameless!

So... all name ideas are welcome here!!!

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Five Good Things

1. Protonix... the miracle heartburn pill!!
2. apple mango laundry soap~ finally yummy smelling clothes that causes no rashes!
3. The belly band~ so I don't feel like I'm going to have my tummy fall out!
4. Meyers Clean Day soy lavender candles... THE BEST SMELL EVER!
5. My loud house... life would be so boring without it!

ciao~alicia

PARENTING LATELY

I have no pic to share... just some words today...

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Rewind to my birthday lunch at chic fila with some friends... I was the yelling Mom... I was out of patience. Early in the lunch Christopher was hitting another kid in the face... it didn't stop there... he sat out for half of it with me and the adults and then after throwing Coop down while I was loading the car, he got spanked when we got home... I was banking on the anticipation having some profound effect on him. I was steaming all the way home trying to gain some composure so I could calmly carry out my mission... consistency... I never want to spank them when it finally comes to it. I would like to just say, well you can't do that! Why was I so angry at his mistake? That was Christophers' day there... Nate had his own challenges at lunch. He started to cry as this HUGE kid was coming down the slide and rammed into his neck... I saw Nate permanently scarred right before my eyes... whatever!... it seemed big at the time when I heard him call out and give that pain cry... I yelled at the bunch of them... "someone is going to get hurt" or something that was over reactive... I wanted to find the mother of this big boy and ask her why she wasn't doing anything after it was clear that he was being too rough with all the little kids. Then I wondered if I was the mom someone wanted to have a talk with sometimes... probably... my three boys are not angels.

I say three boys with new meaning... Coop has graduated to time out. Today he scratched Christopher so hard he drew blood. Am I ready for all this?... YEP.

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I thought back on the way home of how embarrassed I was of my children... of how embarrassed I was that I practically yelled up the slide~ "stop! if you guys are that rough then someone is going to get hurt"... I was that mom. I thought about it later and wondered if I could redeem myself... should I hold a special play date? Should I invite everyone to lunch again and threaten my kids' lives before we got there and bite my tongue so everyone could see what a good mom I am? oh my... then I realized that I just needed to let it lie.

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What was really important here I thought?... then I got it~ I have great kids and I am a great Mom... we have bad days. I laugh at how simple this is and I've been in that assurance off and on like the tide comes and goes... I think I have to find it again after each kid starts to assert their self; translation~ smacks other kids at a public place.

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I think I was so mortified that it prompted me to become a yeller for the next week. I heard myself the other day and just thought "who is this?". Shame... guilt... self doubt. I have re centered. I think the new membership to a gym and the thought of escaping them 3 or 4 times a week helped;)... but really, I gave it to Him... all of it. To constantly surrender... all through the day. Every day.

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Five Good Things

1. going shopping for new tennis shoes... in about an hour!
2. Cooper leaning in for a kiss with a head but... rough boy!!
3. clean socks
4. watching 3 little brothers color with chalk
5. sorting puzzle pieces... oh my! we'll have that classroom soon!

THE "CITY"

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I think about this "city" the boys built all the time... it has been a wonderful confirmation of the choices we have made for our family...

let me explain...

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First I'll tell you a little about this city they built. Downtown is out of the pic~ the city filled the entire room but downtown was a few big blocks clustered by the door... the rest of it sprawled out and overflowed onto the bottom bunk~ it has an ocean with sea shells, an airport, lots of fossils, houses, a park and now that I remember a couple of oceans with boats, sharks & tons of seashells. There are animals everywhere. At the top of the highest building there is a cross... in the center of it all. Am I trying to brag or tell you how "good" we are? Of course not! I need these kind of things to keep me sane~

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I really mean that... I miss artsy people... I miss intellectual nerdy crowds who talk about ways to do away with cars. I miss sitting around listening to friends pick at their guitars while we discussed to death the grapes that the wine was made of and how they grew them and how someone has been to the vineyard. Sometimes living in this little town with the s l o w pace and being home ALL THE TIME has made me so anxious that I now understand why you hear those stories of the stay at home moms who break out one day and start hanging out at bars... a lot of them are probably really good people who just couldn't take the everyday... the screaming "it's mine!"... the separating fights... the crying... the maid work~ personally I think this much laundry could send anyone down the street screaming!

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It is clear to me that I don't want to work in the fashion industry anymore and work from 12 noon to 2 in the morning out and about at the latest hot spot entertaining some drunk agent... I do however want to be doing some wine tastings or hanging out at an art gallery talking to some fascinating photographer... or do I? They are only little for so long. The fact of the matter is that I am learning to be still... putting aside the flesh to learn what my calling is here. I think there will be a season for more of that out and about kind of thing... later.

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So, as I struggle I will do so joyfully... to choose not to complain... and not that I'm there... my wonderful hubby leaves the room now when I start complaining... need to work on that;)... I am trying to voice things to be grateful for when all I see is void... for I do have much~ just not the "things" I am used to... the things I needed to put away that were distracting me.

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Five Good Things

1. loud giggles filling the room when I'm trying to read
2. hearing the "I'm sorry I hurt you brudder"s
3. new teeth coming in that hurt oh, so bad
4. oragel
5. peace

ciao~alicia

AUTHENTIC

These tulips are more than a sweet gift from the love of my life... the first flowers Chris gave me were tulips and in one of my most precious dreams Jesus walked me into a banquet with the most indescribable white flowers I had ever seen... I still can't draw them or come up with words that are beautiful enough. Ever since then~ that was about 10 years ago~ white flowers seem to calm my soul~ they bring me a hope that is not of this world. Lately I have felt that this blog is kinda fluffy... not that fluffy is bad ~ we all need to laugh and to be inspired by silly things and the every day. But I have felt a spring welling up in me; a spring that needs a well.

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My writings about motherhood may seem hopelessly romantic and like a love story; at least they do to me... sometimes I read them and am like "for real~" for my life has not always been so "bubblegum". The truth is this has been a love story... 10 years ago several doctors told me that it was a miracle that I was alive and that I was not guaranteed tomorrow. The details are not important right now but that was none the less a pivotal time. They proceeded to tell me that I would probably never have children and that I could drop dead of a heart attack at any moment. That was the worlds' report~ I have been healed. Like I said, the details of this are not important now~ some of you know them... most of you don't. So, motherhood, although a struggle sometimes is a love affair for me. I look down into those precious eyes and I cannot believe that I am privileged to care for their bodies, to nurture their souls and to kiss the boo boos.

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More about this journey another day~ may the peace that passes all understanding be with you and I today as we take one more step towards home~ what a glorious time we have here but what glory is coming in the eternal... may I be content in today and work for my place in His kingdom... Amen

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Five Good Things

1. transparency
2. vulnerability
3. second chances
4. life
5. authenticity

ciao~alicia

TODDLER

He's not a baby anymore...

I had to move his crib because he was turning on his light during nap time and waking us all up at 4:00 in the morning crying... He's slept through the night for a long time now but I guess he wakes up during the night and has been playing with this little light.

His words are too many to keep up with ...

He is the little fish of the family; Christopher & Nate were never really interested in putting their faces in the water until they were older. This little guy is diving in head first in the bathtub and blowing bubbles all over the place~ oh, how he loves bath time with his brothers.

He loves everything about being a big boy... he chases his brothers and joins in their games. They welcome him in, give him a job and it is oh, so cute.

His favorite conversation is "what you doin?" this jumbled phrase means where are you going?, what are you doing? and you can answer him and he usually gives you a big long "ohhh". Precious.

He loves oatmeal and apples and chocolate.

Daddy hung the moon and the stars.

He also loves to tickle everyone and will lift up his shirt and make the more sign for a big raspberry on his tummy~ you know when you blow on it loud?... one of his favorite things ever. His laugh is contagious.

I have to say I cannot wait until the diapers are gone! Five years solid of changing diapers and these hands look 40!

We are entering a new season... time for me to pick up some more things just for me... Lord willing I will be starting my Masters Degree in the fall at DBU! I will also be homeschooling Christopher and Nate... yes, I said it. Over the next few months we will be changing this house... our little museum is up in the hallway, pics to come. And the big boys room is going to be our classroom/playroom! All the boys will be bunking in the little room and I can't wait to hear what goes on in there when the lights are turned out!

What a journey... what a season.

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Five Good Things

1. Snow!~ we had record breaking snowfall!
2. My crock pot~ yummy stuff coming out of this kitchen lately!
3. Little guitar players... Lee Boy Band?
4. Messes... they can always be cleaned
5. Magnetic Poetry on the fridge~ I missed writing!

ciao~alicia

GOLD

my accidental pic... cleaning the bathroom turned into a trip down memory lane looking at pics of the boys... this is the look of time flies... this was one of those days that he just woke up bigger...

fresh fruit masterpiece by Nate

warm winter day pictures and pages at the Kimbell

Just a few golden moments...

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Five Good Things

1. art
2. Poetry on the fridge
3. Smores made in the fireplace
4. Dancing with the boys
5. Warm socks on cold tile

ciao~ alicia

THE KIMBELL

I'm not making any resolutions this year...

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I want 2010 to be the year of transparency...

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I found these pics... there are about 10~ it is the day I was talking about in the last post at the Kimbell...

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I love being a wife, a mom & a searcher... may this year bring into it more than I ever dreamed it would... and for you as well.

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Five Good Things

1. books with old pages that crinkle
2. people like Dan Phillips who inspire me
3. new ideas and dreams to be anti-paper plate again
4. work... cleaning... may I not complain so much!
5. compliments~ they just feel good and I've never let myself eat them up like I do now... I love to give them even more

ciao~alicia

BYE BYE SUMMER

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i think we did all the important things this summer like peeing on lots of grass...

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trying new stuff...

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Chris managed to steal me away...

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LOTS of swinging...

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cool little boys stylin' around...

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LOTS of cinnamon toast with lots of butter of course- with the bike helmet... if you haven't read, Christopher wears it like it's a couture Chanel scarf or something boy like that...

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spent some awesome time at the pool with friends... it was fun girls!

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and growing...

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my baby is 1...

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Five Good Things

1. Next summer to look forward to
2. Hot Cocoa soon
3. Christmas... oh my!
4. Baking pies this year... look out, you may be asked to taste test!
5. Family

ciao~alicia

REMODELING

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bear with me... a lot of "remodeling" going on here lately... schedules, blogs, home office in my kitchen and a cute surfer room for the boys... pics to come!

BACKYARD BABY

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Coop is officially 1!

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Stay tuned for pics from our Luau ~ Lee Style this Sunday!

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Five Good Things

1. Cooper's sign language~ milk makes me melt
2. Coop's awesome sleeping schedule
3. Coop's 4 teeth and 4 more coming
4. Cooper's open mouth kisses~ my Besos!
5. The Littlest Lee~ what a year!

A DAY WITH NATERS

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Nate & I hit the mall yesterday...

It was a glimpse into those little blueberry eyes...

We played ~we shopped ~we had lots of sugar ~we shopped & played some more

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On the way home I thought...

he got the gumball out himself and told me he wanted to get brother one ~he was so patient when I had to try on clothes and told me I was beautiful ~our 6 trips to the bathroom (this is not an exaggeration either) just made it the ultimate kid day ~my Mama Heart is full ~ no ~overflowing

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Five Good Things

1. The Great Provider
2. Nate Nate~ my little blueberry
3. Listening to Christopher & Nate say the blessing
4. Have I mentioned Caffeine lately?
5. Party planning

ciao~alicia

INDEPENDENT

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Christopher either loves or hates to have his picture taken... I can relate... I love 4... it's a time for him to start revealing all the stuff I've wanted to ask him about who he is.

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He makes "beds" in his room for all his little brothers... he chooses the blankets so carefully so that they have their ones Mimi made and also Coop's faves. I love that he is the biggest brother... my little leader

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He is also our toy repair man... if you need more batteries Christopher is your man... Nate has already figured this out and gives him "jobs". Whoever marries Christopher will love the way he loves things neat and clean... he didn't get it from me and now we go clean together... he's inspiring. There is nothing like a first born son.

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Five Good Things

1. Rain!!
2. Baby sign language
3. Parkfest in Willow Park
4. Coffee
5. Does that include caffiene?

ciao~alicia

WILDFLOWERS

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Happy Mother's Day to Me...

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Five Good Things

1. My joyful helper, Christopher
2. My generous Nate Nate
3. Delicious Cooper
4. My Mom's love for us all
5. Chris' tenderness

ciao~alicia

BABIES ON THE BRAIN!

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I love this day... I remember it well. It was the first place I took them both... the museums... the sound of water. I could hardly walk, I had a hard time bonding with Nate and I could barely keep up with my 14 month old even though he couldn't walk very well himself. I didn't know how I was going to do it... it was so hard and so beautiful.

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Nate's feet

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Maybe it's because if Coop was Christopher I would already be a couple of months prego with a brother... Maybe it's because 2 of my sweet friends are prego... maybe it's because my other friend has a newborn boy right next door... maybe it's because I want to have more babies... I don't know, a combination of it all. The other day all the boys were in the middle of the living room playing trains; I heard the boys say almost in unison "no Coopy... we don't want to play with you"... my heart winced as I knew he didn't even know what they were saying. I immediately thought oh, and I just can't do another pregnancy now. Not to mention 4 kids under the age of 5 may mean a breakdown for this Mom. Will there be another baby? I just don't know... and that's fine for now.

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Five Good Things

1. The boys are playing t ball together!
2. I have no doubt that every child is intentional by our Creator
3. I will be fine if we have 3 kids
4. I will be fine if we have 4 kids
5. I think Chris is halfway amused by my baby talk

ciao~alicia

CHRISTOPHER'S BIG DAY

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I put Coop on the top bunk to wake him up... he never wants to miss his shower with Daddy!

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After breakfast he took this pic of a cardinal (his very favorite bird) on the fence... notice the little bitty cardinal in the center of the pic... that's my little photographer...

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He played on the computer for a while and complained about all the noise Coop was making... we talked about how we all have to live together and all that jazz; I left out the part that he is the LOUDEST person to live with and we all love to put up with his "stuff"!

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Then, after dinner he had to wash the dishes... I don't know weather to laugh or cry... He was so determined to finish the 3 pots, colander, 2 cutting boards oh, and a muffin pan. He wanted to finish it all... and he did. As challenging as he can be his gifts are twice as fragrant...

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and he loves to clean... he told me tonight he always wants to wash the dishes with me... I should have had him sign a contract... tonight was also the night he wrote his name... CHRIS.

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So, being the supermom that I was tonight, I dug out the Doug & Melissa Responsibility Chart and started "it" at 8:30 ahhh!... I'm so kidding about supermom; "Santa" brought these...

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When Christopher was about 2 I wondered why he would never sing the ABC's with me... a few months later he sung the whole thing... I didn't even know he could write an R until he wrote it tonight in his name... you can't really see all of his, it got rubbed off; it's burned into my brain forever.

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Maybe it was my big day...

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Five Good Things:

1. I had the energy to go until 9:30 with the boys... Chris got home at 9:45
2. Coop's ordeal was just allergies, no doctor visit
3. Beth Moore rox!
4. He knows my needs tonight
5. I have bags packed for tomorrow morning