.I think about this "city" the boys built all the time... it has been a wonderful confirmation of the choices we have made for our family...
let me explain...
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First I'll tell you a little about this city they built. Downtown is out of the pic~ the city filled the entire room but downtown was a few big blocks clustered by the door... the rest of it sprawled out and overflowed onto the bottom bunk~ it has an ocean with sea shells, an airport, lots of fossils, houses, a park and now that I remember a couple of oceans with boats, sharks & tons of seashells. There are animals everywhere. At the top of the highest building there is a cross... in the center of it all. Am I trying to brag or tell you how "good" we are? Of course not! I need these kind of things to keep me sane~
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I really mean that... I miss artsy people... I miss intellectual nerdy crowds who talk about ways to do away with cars. I miss sitting around listening to friends pick at their guitars while we discussed to death the grapes that the wine was made of and how they grew them and how someone has been to the vineyard. Sometimes living in this little town with the s l o w pace and being home ALL THE TIME has made me so anxious that I now understand why you hear those stories of the stay at home moms who break out one day and start hanging out at bars... a lot of them are probably really good people who just couldn't take the everyday... the screaming "it's mine!"... the separating fights... the crying... the maid work~ personally I think this much laundry could send anyone down the street screaming!
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It is clear to me that I don't want to work in the fashion industry anymore and work from 12 noon to 2 in the morning out and about at the latest hot spot entertaining some drunk agent... I do however want to be doing some wine tastings or hanging out at an art gallery talking to some fascinating photographer... or do I? They are only little for so long. The fact of the matter is that I am learning to be still... putting aside the flesh to learn what my calling is here. I think there will be a season for more of that out and about kind of thing... later.
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So, as I struggle I will do so joyfully... to choose not to complain... and not that I'm there... my wonderful hubby leaves the room now when I start complaining... need to work on that;)... I am trying to voice things to be grateful for when all I see is void... for I do have much~ just not the "things" I am used to... the things I needed to put away that were distracting me.
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Five Good Things
- loud giggles filling the room when I'm trying to read
- hearing the "I'm sorry I hurt you brudder"s
- new teeth coming in that hurt oh, so bad
- oragel
- peace
ciao~alicia
4 comments:
great post alicia, great perspective. we all need that! xoxo
Parenthood is learning to enjoy the gifts that your children bring (yes, even the things you struggle with now will become fond memories they bless you with) Enjoy this time with them, as endless as it seems now, it goes by ever so quickly. Then, when you become accustomed to the pattern, the tides will change, the children will become increasingly independent.....and you will have to relearn to be you without them. That is when those things that you long for now will resurface. When mine were little I struggled and complained...but now looking back, it has been the most extraordinary adventure- God knows your heart :)
I really appreciate what you are saying here! Thanks for keeping it real. =) Even though we all have different "other things" we're used to and sometimes want, I think we can all probably relate in some way to the struggle of reconciling what we have now (even though GOOD) with the other stuff that our heart also longs for. Being caught in the middle of the now and later is what being human is all about! And so much of what being GOD'S is all about. Thanks for sharing!
What a beautiful woman you are! And your transparency is precious!
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