PARENTING LATELY

I have no pic to share... just some words today...

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Rewind to my birthday lunch at chic fila with some friends... I was the yelling Mom... I was out of patience. Early in the lunch Christopher was hitting another kid in the face... it didn't stop there... he sat out for half of it with me and the adults and then after throwing Coop down while I was loading the car, he got spanked when we got home... I was banking on the anticipation having some profound effect on him. I was steaming all the way home trying to gain some composure so I could calmly carry out my mission... consistency... I never want to spank them when it finally comes to it. I would like to just say, well you can't do that! Why was I so angry at his mistake? That was Christophers' day there... Nate had his own challenges at lunch. He started to cry as this HUGE kid was coming down the slide and rammed into his neck... I saw Nate permanently scarred right before my eyes... whatever!... it seemed big at the time when I heard him call out and give that pain cry... I yelled at the bunch of them... "someone is going to get hurt" or something that was over reactive... I wanted to find the mother of this big boy and ask her why she wasn't doing anything after it was clear that he was being too rough with all the little kids. Then I wondered if I was the mom someone wanted to have a talk with sometimes... probably... my three boys are not angels.

I say three boys with new meaning... Coop has graduated to time out. Today he scratched Christopher so hard he drew blood. Am I ready for all this?... YEP.

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I thought back on the way home of how embarrassed I was of my children... of how embarrassed I was that I practically yelled up the slide~ "stop! if you guys are that rough then someone is going to get hurt"... I was that mom. I thought about it later and wondered if I could redeem myself... should I hold a special play date? Should I invite everyone to lunch again and threaten my kids' lives before we got there and bite my tongue so everyone could see what a good mom I am? oh my... then I realized that I just needed to let it lie.

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What was really important here I thought?... then I got it~ I have great kids and I am a great Mom... we have bad days. I laugh at how simple this is and I've been in that assurance off and on like the tide comes and goes... I think I have to find it again after each kid starts to assert their self; translation~ smacks other kids at a public place.

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I think I was so mortified that it prompted me to become a yeller for the next week. I heard myself the other day and just thought "who is this?". Shame... guilt... self doubt. I have re centered. I think the new membership to a gym and the thought of escaping them 3 or 4 times a week helped;)... but really, I gave it to Him... all of it. To constantly surrender... all through the day. Every day.

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Five Good Things

1. going shopping for new tennis shoes... in about an hour!
2. Cooper leaning in for a kiss with a head but... rough boy!!
3. clean socks
4. watching 3 little brothers color with chalk
5. sorting puzzle pieces... oh my! we'll have that classroom soon!

THE "CITY"

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I think about this "city" the boys built all the time... it has been a wonderful confirmation of the choices we have made for our family...

let me explain...

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First I'll tell you a little about this city they built. Downtown is out of the pic~ the city filled the entire room but downtown was a few big blocks clustered by the door... the rest of it sprawled out and overflowed onto the bottom bunk~ it has an ocean with sea shells, an airport, lots of fossils, houses, a park and now that I remember a couple of oceans with boats, sharks & tons of seashells. There are animals everywhere. At the top of the highest building there is a cross... in the center of it all. Am I trying to brag or tell you how "good" we are? Of course not! I need these kind of things to keep me sane~

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I really mean that... I miss artsy people... I miss intellectual nerdy crowds who talk about ways to do away with cars. I miss sitting around listening to friends pick at their guitars while we discussed to death the grapes that the wine was made of and how they grew them and how someone has been to the vineyard. Sometimes living in this little town with the s l o w pace and being home ALL THE TIME has made me so anxious that I now understand why you hear those stories of the stay at home moms who break out one day and start hanging out at bars... a lot of them are probably really good people who just couldn't take the everyday... the screaming "it's mine!"... the separating fights... the crying... the maid work~ personally I think this much laundry could send anyone down the street screaming!

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It is clear to me that I don't want to work in the fashion industry anymore and work from 12 noon to 2 in the morning out and about at the latest hot spot entertaining some drunk agent... I do however want to be doing some wine tastings or hanging out at an art gallery talking to some fascinating photographer... or do I? They are only little for so long. The fact of the matter is that I am learning to be still... putting aside the flesh to learn what my calling is here. I think there will be a season for more of that out and about kind of thing... later.

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So, as I struggle I will do so joyfully... to choose not to complain... and not that I'm there... my wonderful hubby leaves the room now when I start complaining... need to work on that;)... I am trying to voice things to be grateful for when all I see is void... for I do have much~ just not the "things" I am used to... the things I needed to put away that were distracting me.

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Five Good Things

1. loud giggles filling the room when I'm trying to read
2. hearing the "I'm sorry I hurt you brudder"s
3. new teeth coming in that hurt oh, so bad
4. oragel
5. peace

ciao~alicia